Real socialists hate this book. It flushes all their utopian ideas down the crapper with rude and mocking hilarity. For the more studious and casual bathroom readers who seek pleasurable reading for hours on end, here is Part One of an astonishing treasure trove of socialist failures, slaughters, and collapses. It is written for the rising generation of forgetful citizenry who keep falling for all those free lunches that are routinely promised in the socialists' 5-year Porcelain Platform Plan (please be seated). For the first time ever, the hilarious, the shocking, the revealing, the numbing, the suspiciously conspiratorial if not blatantly declarative of socialism's darkest and most profoundly secretive platitudes [inhale and take breath here], are all brought together in this first installment of Comrade Paul's Socialist Bathroom Reader. Organized for many gleeful months of raucous and riveting reading, the curious and disgusted proletarians may delve into: -Socialism's amazing world records -The anti-socialist themes in Hollywood movies -The truth about Hitler's socialistic agenda -The murder mystery of the most hated woman in America -The truth behind shoddy imports from socialist countries -The evil seven pillars of socialism designed to destroy natural rights -The U.S. presidents who furthered socialism in America -And an unending supply of socialist jokes freshly plucked from the impoverished oppressed who must live under socialism each and every day. This book need not be read from front to back in the usual fashion for this is not a typical bourgeois fashionable book. To the contrary, it is meant to be picked up and read from any page---that is, rudely arbitrarily, just like socialism. It is most important, on penalty of 10 years at the Retraining Camp, that severe attention be paid to the reading because in the end, there will be a quiz. Therefore, Dear Leader says, "Must read."