***From the singer of the well-known dream-pop group, Keep Shelly in Athens.*** All it took was one secret drink at fifteen for Jessica Bell to binge-drink herself into oblivion for the next ten years. In 1980s Australia, Erika Bach and Demetri Vlass, who founded Ape the Cry and Hard Candy, two of Melbourne's iconic indie bands, encouraged Jessica with unreserved love to pick up the guitar and write her own songs. But Erika's back problem became a nightmare of pill-popping, alcohol abuse, and anxiety attacks, and Demetri retreated into silence for fear of triggering Erika's drug-induced psychosis. To escape the madness at home, and the torment of hating herself, Jessica experimented with bisexuality in a high school rife with bullies, lost her virginity to rape, and tried to supplement absent love with unprotected one-night stands. All under the influence of alcohol. Until one day alcohol nearly drove Jessica off a cliff. Jessica had to look at herself honestly and frankly. Why did she keep running from reality, and more importantly, herself? And was finding happiness from within, possible? Praise for GO "Admirable" The Sydney Morning Herald "Ends on a note of optimism, of finding a sense of self amidst extreme chaos" Newfound Journal "One of those memoirs that will stay with you" The Compulsive Reader Previously published as 'Dear Reflection: I Never Meant to be a Rebel'.